tell your friends i give good smile and i’ll hear she thinks i’ve been nicer these last few weeks i wasn’t there
i never used to be anyway
pacing the just misted rooms of lives i’ve never lived voices floating more disaffected than their speaker would dare
parade yourself painless
told myself i wasn’t drinking tonight.
drawing maps in snail trails on bodies left unsaid
but i’ll know when you tell me you’ll feel like you have to dribbled into a corner on an unplayed pitch the same colour as caffeine i only speak the universal language of people we’ve never met who hold what we used to want
i write stories under the shadow of the rain.
waves of sodium tolling over a dulling skin
you will learn how beautiful it is to drift in the silt lukewarm autumns pretending to be drowsy
now i beg the streetlights to flood me
the absence whispered as i missed
the leaves don’t dream in the gutter
my butterflies died yesterday
by the light of ambulances
but it’s alright i know i’m not your problem.
how many times can i want to start again
we heard the sirens they told us to keep going
tell your friends i give good smile
dragged myself into the harsh light of what you don’t own the cost sticking to my fingers as blue as my jacket drink yourself back to the 17-year-old you never were
but now the trains keep time again
i have no reason to sleep
but i would dream that this was what i wanted
tell your friends i give good smile
even though i’ll never see them again
drawing aching pictures at the top of the stairs
antiseptic postcards written in piss-stained glitter
she said he thought i was better yesterday
i just wish he was right
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